


Flashback

by brando



Category: Teen Wolf (TV), teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Gen, Pre S4, Self Harm, post 3b, self hate, suggested allisaac, this is a drabble from when i was rping him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2015-04-30
Packaged: 2018-03-21 05:04:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3678651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brando/pseuds/brando
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever since he lost his mother and brother, Isaac has had panic attacks; flashbacks to the worst moments of his life. Now he gets to have them about Allison.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flashback

"Oh God, no. Not —- not this."

His fingernails delve into the flesh of his palms, a weak effort to control the dizzying sensation beginning to surround and reside inside him. He can’t escape it, he’s feeling it all over again. And again, and again.

The sound of an arrow being drawn. Bright greenish-yellow eyes peering into Isaac’s own terrified blue. Isaac is going to see Allison’s death again. He’s going to feel it. And he will fail to prevent it. It is an invariable concept, though not one to his mind, and he is teased with the prospect of saving her, or Scott saving her. Or her not saving him, but rather herself; as it should’ve been. As he wishes it was. Sweat beads up on his brow, every inch of him is shaking and dreading every moment. But the worst part of it all had just arrived.

The silver faces with their menacing snarl. They know what is to come, they’ve played this game for months now, and they’re the victors each time. There’s no beating his mind when it plays tricks on him. He’s always scared into stupidity, his response the same when he’s brought back into this terror.

"No. No. No."

And so he bargains, like every time, with total despair in his voice and an unceasing quaking of his lips. Panic cripples his movements; but he can see the raven colored hair, Allison's heartbeat rattles his eardrums. Yes, she’s alive for now. Alive in his flashbacks, and how bittersweet it is, to be only granted visions of Allison in these moments, when part of him knows she is to perish soon. Again and again.

"Please, don’t. Please not Allison, please, God. Kill me! Kill me instead! Not her. This time, kill me!"

Pleas have no impact on the figments of his imagination. Bargaining, screaming, ripping apart his shirt and clawing into his sides means nothing. They will not listen. And as he stumbles, then falls, to his bedroom floor; racing thoughts only then begin to slow down. Little by little, the presence of imaginary Onis dematerialize, but coldness of night still rattles his bones until he slowly slips back into reality.

Tears stop rolling down his cheeks after a while, then the numbness washes over until clarity takes him. Realization of being in his bedroom, and not the cold night where Allison had been killed, provide a meager amount of relief for him. Isaac drags his knuckles across his face, wiping away the the moisture. His crying is always silent during the flashbacks. Always soft. Sometimes he doesn’t notice he has cried, not until Isaac does a double-check of in himself mirror afterwards for any wounds Miss McCall would question and attempt to nurse.

Isaac’s breathing becomes normal after a few minutes of quiet muttering and false-starts to get up. He’s just so tired; drained of energy, of hope that he is to be well again — if what he was before was ‘well’.

"I hate this so much, I hate this so much. I hate myself. I wish I had just died."


End file.
